It’s like something Q would design.
The heels of polished, black leather shoes clicked against the marble floor as a tall, lean man walked down the hallway. The man wore a tailored dark suit and a pressed white shirt, his cool, blue gaze focused forward, alert and prepared. He strode ahead, his posture relaxed, but purposeful as he adjusted his cufflinks. Overhead lights illuminated above him one by one as he walked under them.
Without breaking stride, he produced a MI6 ID card from his jacket pocket. The reinforced steel doors slid open with a hiss and revealed the chaotic brilliance of Q’s lab—a symphony of whirring machinery, flashing monitors, and prototype gadgets.
James Bond entered the lab without pausing and casually picked up a device off a nearby desk to inspect it. Q, busy at his workstation tinkering with an object that looks like half jet engine, half umbrella, glanced up briefly before sighing in irritation.
“Ah, 007, a burglar now, are we? Do try not to touch anything you don’t understand.”
“Just admiring the craftsmanship, Q,” Bond replied while flashing a grin, “Is this the new teapot with missile-launching capabilities?”
Q, with both exasperation and caution, gingerly plucked the teapot from Bond’s grasp and set it back down on the table.
“For your information, 007, this is not a missile-launching teapot. It’s an anti-surveillance device disguised as kitchenware. But since subtlety isn’t exactly your forte, I shudder to think what you’d do with it.”
Bond’s grin grew even bigger as he followed Q over to the next workstation. “Subtlety is overrated, Q. Though I must say, tea with a dash of espionage sounds positively thrilling.”
“Yes, well, thrilling isn’t the goal here. The objective is to keep you from turning the next mission into an international incident. Now, if you’re done playing with my prototypes, I will show some gadgets you’re less likely to turn into a culinary disaster.”
“Ah. Q. Always a pleasure to see what kind of deadly doodads you’ve cooked up. Yes, let’s skip the pleasantries.”
Q flipped a switch and the table in front of them whirled to life, spinning over to reveal a lineup of wristwatches neatly arranged on velvet cushions. Each watch gleamed under the lab’s fluorescent lights.
“Pleasantries? With you, 007? Perish the thought. I’d be more surprised if you arrived with all your equipment intact for once.”
Bond answered with a boyish smirk. “You wound me, Q. But let’s see the toys. What’s first?
Q gestured to the table. “Right, let’s start with the basics: A wristwatch capable of disabling every CCTV camera within a mile radius. Handy for your subtle entrances. Do try not to wear it to a casino this time.”
Bond leaned forward to closer examine the watch. “As I said, ‘Subtlety’ is my middle name. What’s next?”
Q picked up the last watch in the line. It had a minimalist design with a cobalt-blue strap and an unassuming face. He delicately handed it over to Bond.
“This is the Stealth Chrono. It may look subdued, but it contains a concealed grappling hook that deploys from the strap. Ideal for scaling walls, escaping perilous situations, or—given your tendency for theatrics—just making an entrance.”
“Now this is my kind of accessory. Q, your ingenuity never ceases to amaze. Do try to send Blofeld a thank-you note when I put it to use,” he said as he strapped the watch on his wrist. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got villains to thwart and wristwatches to test.”
“Not so fast, 007. I have one more thing for you.”
Bond paused mid-step and turned back to Q with a raised eyebrow. “One more thing, Q? Are you trying to spoil me?”
Q ignored the quip and stepped toward a locked, empty display case. “Hardly. This may very well save your life—or, at the very least, my lab budget.” He unlocked the cabinet with a retinal scan, causing a shelf to ascend up from beneath the case to reveal a sleek, silver baseball bat. “Now pay attention, Bond. This next one is something even you might find difficult to misuse.”
Bond raised his eyebrow. “Now that, Q, is what I call a classic weapon. Stylish, functional, and perfect for an impromptu game with the opposition. Shall I challenge Blofeld to a game of rounders?” he asked with mock seriousness.
Q rolled his eyes. “Hardly a classic weapon, 007. This is the Torpedo Bat*—an innovative piece of technology disguised as sporting equipment. The Yankees might use it for baseball, but I suspect you’ll find its other features…more appealing. Firstly, it’s equipped with nanotech-guided targeting capabilities. Swing it at your opponent, and the bat ensures your aim is flawless—even if you’re less than ideal at sports, which, judging by your golf skills, you are. Secondly—”
Q pressed a concealed button on the bat’s handle. The barrel end opened slightly, revealing a tiny, high-tech compartment.
“—it can deploy a self-guiding micro-torpedo. Perfect for precise strikes against enemy vehicles or equipment. Just be sure not to use it in any sporting arenas. We’re not trying to disrupt the Yankees’ season.”
Bond chuckled, “I’ll do my best, Q.”
Bond picked up the bat and swung it experimentally in a smooth, practiced motion.
“Impressive balance. I could get used to this. So, I just swing, and it delivers mayhem?”
“Let’s call it ‘strategic mayhem,’” Q said with a grimace, “We’ve tailored its design to your specific swing pattern, but do try to aim. Last time you tested our ‘self-guiding’ tech, you managed to reverse the polarity and nearly sent a grenade into catering.”
“A slight misunderstanding. The soufflés survived, didn’t they?”
“For once, I’m rooting for the villains,” Q muttered under his breath.
Bond gave the bat another practice swing before twirling it over in hands and exiting the lab. Q watched him go, muttering to himself as he gathered the other gadgets, and put the watches back away.
“If he uses that bat for cricket,” Q muttered to himself, “I’ll resign.”
On Opening Day the New York Yankees unveiled their new bat design called The Torpedo. While it might not have a self-guiding micro torpedo, the Yankees did use it to hit a record 15 home runs in their opening series, with 9 on Opening Day, against the Milwaukee Brewers. It is shaped, well, like a torpedo, with a thicker barrel closer to the handle of the bat instead of at the very end like traditional baseball bats. The bat was developed by MIT physicist Aaron Leanhardt. Leanhardt worked with the Yankees to analyze swing data and create customized bats for each player. This design aims to optimize contact by aligning the bat’s weight distribution with the player’s hitting tendencies.
Tinkering with bat design isn’t new. Throughout baseball history players have tested various bat shapes to try to gain an edge. After 2001 many players transitioned from ash to maple bats after Barry Bonds famously used one during his record breaking season (an invasive insect threatening the ash tree population called the emerald ash borer also might have contributed to the switch). Maple bats are now the preference for most MLB hitters for their durability and power potential.
While it is currently making waves with the Yankees, it seems like only a matter of time before the rest of the league follows suit. Teams like the Cincinnati Reds and Baltimore Orioles have already begun experimenting with the bat, and manufacturers are reporting a surge in demand. Although the sample size is still limited, if the data continues to trend in this direction, the torpedo bat could very well become the next big innovation in baseball.
Happy Sunday!
Blake, Dan. MLB bats have gone from ash to maple. Forest Data Network. Published [date]. Accessed April 5, 2025. https://www.forestdatanetwork.com/news/mlb-bats-have-gone-from-ash-to-maple
Passan, Jeff. MLB 2025: Torpedo bowling pin bats, New York Yankees taking baseball. ESPN. Published [date]. Accessed April 5, 2025. https://www.espn.com/mlb/story/_/id/44477141/mlb-2025-torpedo-bowling-pin-bats-new-york-yankees-taking-baseball
Anderson, Julie. Torpedo bats: MLB Yankees explained. CNN. Published March 31, 2025. Accessed April 5, 2025. https://www.cnn.com/2025/03/31/sport/torpedo-bats-mlb-yankees-explained-spt/index.html