The world is ending. So I guess that means football season is over?
Saturday’s loss to South Carolina finally did it, folks. It finally killed whatever slim hopes Missouri had of making the College Football Playoff. The dream is over.
That’s got us a little in our feels a bit this morning. Feelin’ a little pensive, a little existenstial.
It’s not like we’ve ever been in this position before, right? Right?
The Revue
You thought choosing “Dust in the Wind” was bleak? I’ve got some news for you!
Frank Darabont’s The Shawshank Redemption in some ways, in my opinion, is the pinnacle of Hollywood studio crowd-pleaser filmmaking. It’s not a perfect movie, but it does strike the perfect balance between darkness and light, justice and injustice. Part of that is owed to the bones of Stephen King’s story, though a lot of it has to do with the filmmaking around the weaknesses in King’s writing. Funny how that can apply to many of King’s films, huh?
What does The Shawshank Redemption have to do with this, you may be wondering. Well, it’s only the first of Darabont’s three King adaptations, the second of which came five years later in The Green Mile. That’s also a good movie. But it’s not his best.
His best came 13 years after the release of The Shawshank Redemption. It’s a little movie called The Mist.
I’ll say this right off the bat: I have a pretty high tolerance for seriously depraved movies. Maybe not the highest but still. So take it from me when I say that The Mist is one of the most summarily f*****-up films I’ve ever watched. Not because of the totality of the content. No, I’m specifically talking about the end of the film
[SPOILER ALERT FOR THE MIST, YOU’VE BEEN WARNED]
By the end of the film, the lead character, who has had to endure the cruel hostile takeover of his world by aliens, as well as the total meltdown of human society inside a local general store, decides to brave his way through the mist in hopes of finding any solace or rescue. His child and several other people come with him. However, after searching for any sign of life, the group decides to let the lead character mercy kill them in order to avoid the pains of living in a hell world. After killing them all by execution-style firing — including his own child! — the lead character steps out of the car, only for the mist to subside and the U.S. Army to step in and save the day.
Absolutely bananas. The ending of that movie peeled my cap back for about a week.
Is Missouri’s loss to South Carolina a gut punch on the same level as the end of The Mist. No… well… I don’t know, to be determined I guess. I think if you take a macro-level view of Missouri’s trajectory and compare it to Frank Darabont’s directorial career, then maybe! Last year was Missouri’s Shawshank Redemption, a hair-raising escape from the purgatorial state of the SEC middle into the trajectory of near-elite programs in the country. It’s not quite Zihuatanejo, but it’s verging on that territory. Yet what seems like one year later and Missouri is getting put down by South Carolina of all programs as the descending chaos of college football opens a path for a two-loss SEC team to make the final group of 12.
I actually don’t think I’m OK. Shit.
★★☆☆☆ for the loss to South Carolina, ★★★★☆ for The Mist, which I will never escape. The ending haunts me.
Watchability Meter
Is it cheating to say that this week’s meter is almost the exact same as last week’s… only with the wrong ending? Bummer.
For losing a gonzo game, I’m giving Mizzou two out of five Gonzo the Greats dressed up as Charles Dickens.
Disrespectful Play Index
Ah, the benefits of writing about an all-time Mizzou play that ends up getting overshadowed by a defensive collapse.
Nathan Hurst has already pointed out how disappointing it is that we won’t mention Luther Burden III’s touchdown catch against the Gamecocks in the same breath as other memorable Mizzou plays. Because, damn it, it deserved to be there. As soon as it happened, I saw it going into the annals of DPI history, a gloating masterpiece that would’ve only been elevated by one last unsuccessful push by South Carolina’s defense.
Alas…
Here’s the scale we’re working with.
Category 1: How difficult/impressive was the play? (0-20)
Category 2: How hard did the defense try? (0-20)
Category 3: How much did his teammates help? (0-5)
Category 4: What did the player do immediately afterward? (0-20)
Category 5: How did everyone not involved react? (0-15)
Category 6: Is there a backstory/context to consider? (0-20)
And here’s the obvious play in question.
Category 1: How difficult/impressive was the play?
Fourth and five? Last chance to wrest control of the game back from your opponent? Less than two minutes on the clock? Hostile environment? It doesn’t get much more difficult than that. And yet, Luther Burden III made a way.
We’ll get to this more in a minute, but the way LB3 shirks off what was very good coverage is sort of mind-boggling to me. Burden brings the ball down with one hand and sweeps Jalon Kilgore to the side with the other, all with a degree of ease that I still find staggering. It was quite literally in one smooth motion. That’s… I’m not sure what that is. It’s more than impressive. It’s fundamentally brilliant, the sort of after catch action you can only pull off as a one-in-a-million type player. And Burden is certainly that. 20/20
Category 2: How hard did the defense try?
As I pointed out before, Jalon Kilgore — former Freshman All-American, I should add — is covering Burden about as well as you can. He doesn’t get his head turned around to deflect the ball, but the coverage is so tight that all Burden can manage to do is stick an arm out to catch Cook’s lob. The window the ball needed to fit in was extraordinarily tight because of how well Kilgore was on Burden.
Unfortunately for the sophomore, that level of coverage excellence ended up working to his disadvantage.
He’s sticking with LB3 so closely that when Burden puts on a hesitation move, Kilgore’s momentum naturally carries him past the receiver. Burden’s extraordinary strength — again, he’s doing this all one-handed — is enough to use Kilgore’s speed to shove him aside so that Burden can waltz into the end zone unscathed. I’m not looking forward to facing Mr. Kilgore in the future, because he’s going to eat some receivers for breakfast, and we won’t have Luther Burden III to throw at him again. 20/20
Category 3: How much did his teammates help?
As impressive as this play is from Burden — one-handed basket catch, using his other hand to shed the defender — we have to acknowledge the dime from Brady Cook. I feel comfortable saying that it may be the best throw of his college career. If it’s not, it’s up in the top five. So while we can certainly credit Burden for his share of the highlight, Brady Cook deserves some flowers too, making this a lower than expected score. 3/5
Category 4: What did the player do immediately afterward?
I’ve no idea what this dance is, but I enjoyed it! Luther always has something fun and fresh up his sleeve, so spinning the ball only to hit the South Carolina fans with a little action was about what I’ve come to expect from him. 17/20
Category 5: How did everyone not involved react?
I’m really sad that we’re going to be robbed of this highlight for years to come, almost solely because of this frame: Brady Cook, sprinting wildly to the end zone, shouting and shaking his arms as if he just pulled a road coup against South Carolina. With a bum ankle and a bum wrist. It’s not unique, but it was the perfect shot for the perfect time in the game. Put it in amber and forget whatever happened next. 15/15
Category 6: Is there a backstory/context to consider?
We know it hasn’t been the junior season Luther Burden III had envisioned for himself. He wanted Biletnikoff and Heisman type numbers. Instead he’s been held to 689 all-purpose yards with seven touchdowns… not too shabby for any receiver, but certainly not what we would’ve expected of a player his caliber. Part of that has been dealing with Drew Pyne’s limited skillset, while another part has been Kirby Moore’s inability to get him the ball amongst a horde of double-teams and defensive schemes completely designed around him.
So to see him make that play in that moment was special. It was a reminder of everything he’s been to the Tigers over the past several years; a lightning rod talent with elite-level skill across the board. Even if 2024 hasn’t gone as planned, it’s nice to still have some moments like this that we can look back on. 20/20
Luther Burden III’s one-handed touchdown catch-and-run was 95 percent disrespectful to Jalon Kilgore, South Carolina football and all of Columbia Least.
Superlatives and Awards
Best Prospective NIL Deal
It’s Armand Membou’s time, folks. He’s been the “underrated” player for long enough, and it’s time to get this man some cold, hard cash. He’s an excellent run blocker so, I don’t know, some sort of concrete or road-grading engineering outfit? That’s too out there in terms of connective tissue to the everyday consumer. He’s also an excellent pass-blocker… OK, I think we’ve got something here.
What do linemen do? They block, right? But what do the best linemen do? They deliver pancake blocks. Pancakes, folks. It’s already been used in NIL collectives across the country. Time to get Armand Membou his own web-series — “Who has the best pancakes in Columbia?” I’m willing to produce, for a modest fee of course.
And, for my money, it’s still Cafe Berlin. Sorry, Ernies.
The Tim Robinson Award for Best I Think You Should Leave Moment
Watching a conference rival drive at the last minute to potentially score a game-winning touchdown with almost no time left? TIME TO GO ON MY PHONE!
Believe it or not, I have a black phone and just got a black phone case for it.
IT’S REALLY COOL!