Punch. Kick. Run. Whatever it takes to get the job done.
Cowbells. It’s what everyone wants to talk about when talking about Mississippi State. I get it. I’m not above it.
I also know that the dominant cultural artifact featuring cowbells is Will Ferrell’s Blue Oyster Cult Saturday Night Live sketch. I get it. I’m not above it, as you’ll find out later.
But can we at least start with something that isn’t Blue Oyster Cult? Please. “Don’t Fear the Reaper” is a bop, but it doesn’t quite capture the vibes that Saturday night’s win gave us: easy-going, uplifting, sort of ethereally cool. When I’m looking for those vibes, there’s only one band I turn to. Luckily enough, they also have a hit cowbell song!
Oh look, it’s me whenever Kirby Moore draws up a play for Luther Burden III.
The Revue
When’s the last time you watched a movie that made you go, “ahhh!!”, “ooooooo,” and “yikes!” multiple times. Not because of dramatic twists and turns or scares… but because of the brutality?
One of the reasons I love filmmaking — and by a somewhat more tenuous connection, football — is the viscerality of it. The crunch every time a fist connects with a face of pads hit pads. The color of the blood on film stock or the gold blur on 4K. There’s a speed, a beauty and, yes, a violence about both things that capture my attention even when I feel like it’s against my better morality.
As much as I’d like to make the win against Mississippi State about the beauty of Mizzou’s passing game or the clinical, technical wonder of Corey Batoon’s defensive schemes, it’s hard to look past the body blows Eli Drinkwitz put on the Bulldogs by way of Marcus Carroll, Jamal Roberts and Nate Noel. Drink has mentioned during in-game interviews this season that he hopes Mizzou’s continued use of the running game would wear down opposing defenses. And boy howdy, did he ever get his wish on Saturday. After a while I started to feel bad for the Bulldogs’ defense. Helpless as they were to stop it, you kind of had to wonder when they would at least hold one of Mizzou’s running backs to 2 yards instead of 3 or 4. But nope. Just a constant barrage of jabs followed by a haymaker followed by another few rounds of jabs… and so on.
That boxing metaphor may make you think i’m going with a boxing movie. But no. I’m thinking about the last movie where I was twitching in my seat because of the sheer amount of bone-on-bone or bone-on-cartilage contact happening on screen. And there’s only one choice when it comes to that enticing mix of martial action… The Raid movies.
Granted, the missions in The Raid and The Raid II are much more difficult than the job Missouri had on Saturday night. But there is a certain feeling I got watching Mizzou queue up another run that I also had when I first saw Gareth Evans’ martial arts masterpieces. And that feeling can be summed up by my uttering, “Huh, I bet this guy is about to get his ass kicked,” every three-to-four minutes. Every time Iko Uwais needs another dude to crunch, oh lookie there, a moderately skilled goon with a conveniently exposed shin bone that’s about to get shattered by a well-placed side-kick. I could go on, but you get the idea.
★★★★☆ for the win over Mississippi State, ★★★★☆ for The Raid and The Raid II, two of this century’s enduring masterpieces of martial cinema
Watchability Meter
Winning by three scores against a 2-8 Mississippi State team is a weird feeling. On one hand? It’s a 2-8 Mississippi State team. On the other? It’s an SEC road win and, not sure if you’re aware of this, but those don’t come around too often. And they definitely don’t come around in the form of 19-point blowouts.
But as Sam astutely pointed out on Sunday, I’d be lying if I said watching Mizzou grind the Bulldogs into a fine curry powder over the course of the second half was my definition of thrilling football. Sure, I’ll take the result. But “death by four yard rushes” doesn’t hit quite as hard as “death by Luther Burden III YAC mixtape.”
But here’s the thing: I’m in no position to complain. Mizzou still has a shot at their first consecutive 10-win seasons in a decade. Am I going to turn that down? Hell no. And it’s not as if Marcus Carroll Murder Ball™ was the only thing on the docket Saturday night. We got to see a vintage Cook-to-Burden touchdown. We got a Daylan Carnell scoop-and-score. We got this week’s edition of the Brett Norfleet hurdle. It was almost as if Mizzou 2023’s greatest hits seeped magically into this year’s efficient, hyper-practical version of its offense for one game.
Is it magical to watch? Not exactly. But I’ll take a bruising 19-point win over last week’s explosion fest four-point loss any day of the week.
For playing a highly watchable, if perhaps repetitive, game, I’m giving Mizzou four out of five Will Ferrells from the Blue Oyster Cult sketch
Disrespectful Play Index
Another week, another Luther Burden III highlight reel touchdown catch? Spare me the work of having to write another intro!
Here’s the scale:
Category 1: How difficult/impressive was the play? (0-20)
Category 2: How hard did the defense try? (0-20)
Category 3: How much did his teammates help? (0-5)
Category 4: What did the player do immediately afterward? (0-20)
Category 5: How did everyone not involved react? (0-15)
Category 6: Is there a backstory/context to consider? (0-20)
Here’s the play:
Category 1: How difficult/impressive was the play?
Brady Cook sprinting full boar to his right? Luther Burden stopping mid-run to lunge backward against his momentum? Catching the ball a foot off the ground? Come on, man.
20/20
Category 2: How hard did the defense try?
I’ve talked before about the difficulty of scoring this category, as it feels strange to assume that the defender was giving anything less than 100 percent. That being said, I have to imagine Corey Ellington is going to look back on this play and kick himself for getting that far behind Burden in coverage. Did the future NFL receiver turn on a dime? Sure, but giving him that much cushion in the first place was a death sentence. Having to sprint to recover opened up the space behind him, making him look even sillier than he might have if Luther had just cooked him in a more normal way. 15/20
Category 3: How much did his teammates help?
Last week I bemoaned the fact that Brady Cook’s perfect throw kept Luther Burden’s catch score lower than it needed to be. The week before that, I bemoaned the fact that Drew Pyne’s perfect throw kept Theo Wease’s catch from getting a perfect score. This week? Well, I suppose I shouldn’t complain too much about Mizzou’s QBs making too many perfect throws, but I’ll be damned if they don’t keep doing it. Kudos to Cook, who makes the throw running to his right to boot (hehe) 2/5
Category 4: What did the player do immediately afterward?
I’m always of the opinion that Luther Burden going apeshit > Luther Burden hitting a stance, but there’s something about this week’s celly that may change my mind. I’m going to miss the obtuse nature of Luther’s many celebrations — maybe I’ll rank them all as part of a summer column! — and him whipping out an imaginary cell phone and just holding it is a delightfully weird thing to do right after you put the spins on your corner. I don’t get it, but I do love it! 18/20
Category 5: How did everyone not involved react?
Not much to see here. I do find it amusing that Brett Norfleet was looking to get in on the celebrations, but noticeably takes a step back to let Burden have his moment. That’s a good teammate right there. Bonus points awarded for letting your boys have their moment. 11/15
Category 6: Is there a backstory/context to consider?
Not really! Luther Burden III is having a good-not-great season, though most people at this point recognize it has more to do with the surrounding circumstances — Brady Cook’s injuries, the offense’s switch to a more efficient approach, defenses zeroing in on him and the Tigers being forced to move the ball elsewhere — than his actual talent. That being said, we’ve been waiting for a true “Luther Burden game” in 2024, and this is probably the best one we’ve had apart from the 117 yard, touchdown performance against Boston College earlier this season. So props to putting up a prime time highlight on top of a dominant overall effort. Par for the course, truly. 14/20
Luther Burden’s touchdown catch was 80 percent disrespectful to Corey Ellington, Mississippi State, and the cowbell-ringing hell that is Starkville, Mississippi.
Superlatives and Awards
Best Prospective NIL Deal
You know what everyone should have in their kitchen? A grinder, perhaps even two. Coffee grinder? Of course, you’re not drinking coffee unless you’re grinding your own beans. Spice grinder? Maybe less necessary, but have you ever incorporated freshly ground cloves into a baking recipe? Hell. yes.
Watching Marcus Carroll (and others) put Mississippi State’s front seven into a blender for 30 minutes on Saturday night reminded me of the importance of this oft-overlooked kitchen appliance. You’re not living right if you don’t have a grinder in your cabinet. It doesn’t even have to be a good one! And believe me, it’s not that much harder to grind your own coffee! In fact, it’s nice to have a morning routine.
So someone hook Marcus Carroll up with CUISINART, he’ll be a perfect cover guy for their next run of burr grinders.
The Tim Robinson Award for Best I Think You Should Leave Moment
You know the beauty of this section of The Revue? Much like I Think You Should Leave, I can make a creative choice, it can make no sense to you and there’s nothing I have to do about it. Wow. I love this for me.
This game gave me big-time Darmine Doggy Door vibes. I guess I could explain why… but I won’t. Thanks for reading!